Make It Or Break It–the absurdity!

SO! Last night was the AMAZINGNESS that was the season finale of MIOBI, and may I say, OH.MY.GOD.
The Chinese team–who don’t look anything like the Chinese team, they look like the girls from Madelin-come to visit the Rock. The coach and Sasha have a face off while grinning at the camera. I feel like that’s what would happen if MLT’s minions faced off against the WOGAettes. Can’t you see Valeri and MLT sniping at each other while making nice for the press?
Speaking of which, why is the press covering this with such intensity? Its’ not a meet sanctioned by the National Team Committee and even if it were, the press wouldn’t care *that* much.
I’m ignoring all the boy drama bullshit in this episode because I really don’t care, but the basic rundown is something like Emily decided to get back together with The Boy Who Doesn’t Sing in Public when she hears him singing in public, but then he’s gone when she gets there, boo hoo. Kaylie and Lauren make up somewhat and then Carter comes in and kisses Lauren, whoops. Anyway. back to the “gymnastics”.
So after Kaylie finally decides she’ll compete because she pulled her head out of her ass/her dad told her to, she comes back to the gym and gives the girls a Suzanne style pep talk about how they are all a family and they are leaving crap in the office and bringing passion out, whatevs. Emily and Payson are all about trust instead of fear and I guess now about passion, so Emily manages to throw her Y1.5. It’s no Nastia in AA finals Y 1.5 but at least it isn’t as horribly tucked. Somehow she gets a bronze on vault. With a 1.5? Although of course Nastia won the AA and Koko did just a FTY and got bronze at Worlds, so OK, I’ll buy it for now.
Lauren appears to have taken out her front tuck beam mount, which makes me sad because at least it was a REAL MOUNT. But she does a good job on the beam, for MIOBI, and medals. Then she twists her ankle on the dismount and mutters DAMN! when she falls down. This made me laugh, because I am nice like that. She doesn’t pull a Memmel, either, and land on it for a bars dismount. Seriously, this would’ve been waaaay more believable if her next event had been floor or vault. What the fuck kind of elite can’t just grin and bear it for one dismount? Marta would never stand for it.
So of course Sasha decides that sending Payson up on bars would be wise because she’ll inspire the other girls. Not if she falls and breaks her back again, bud. But of course she doesn’t. In a moment that actually (*gasp*) gave me VERY SMALL goosebumps she goes and throws a routine that would have looked right at home and Scam, and probably scored a 17 (bad form? American? SCORE HIGH!). But of course the other girls are all super stoked. Kaylie’s done floor and her routine is ooookkaaaayyy I suppose, but what’s with the weird ass choreo? She pulls a Hunter and dismounts with a double arabian which I agree is totally badass, but she doesn’t so much have Kytra’s spunk. Anyway, she and Lauren are for some reason up at the same time and Sasha makes them hold hands before they go and do a terrorist fist jab, which amused me. On beam, Kaylie dismounts with a triple twist that of course doesn’t actually go around three times, because her stunt double can’t handle it, and does really well. Blah blah blah.
Oh, the Chinese superstar, who looks a little older than He Kexin, does well too. Etc.
In the end the Rock girls get 5 medals, which is better than the other US team did in China. Sasha’s all WE SCHOOLED YOU! and the national team woman says it isn’t over. What, because his gymnasts actually did something? Fuck you, lady.
In adult news, Sasha still hasn’t fucked DJ Tanner, which is kinda sad, but I find her character annoying–she’s like a grown up Grace Taylor–so maybe he ought to hold off. Ma Keeler is all happy that her bay-bee can still do gymnastics. Ma Kmetko is gonna get back together with the TanMan. Kaylie’s parents…who knows?
And thus ends season one of Make It Or Break It, among the most absurd shows ever to grace the air. Of course, if this was about anything other them gymnastics my standards would indicate I could never watch it, so for all I know there is way worse stuff out there.


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