Things I Said While Babysitting The Other Night (Mostly With A Touch Of Irony)

You’re skating on thin ice, young man.

Don’t make me come down there.

You do not want me to have to turn off that hose.

Dude, stop hitting your brother.

No, really, stop hitting him.

I mean it. Stop already with the hitting.

Dude! You can’t go hit one brother because he hit your other brother. That’s just absurd.

So do you want a bedtime story, or are you going to read The New Yorker?

Be honest now. Are you just reading it for the cartoons? Nothing wrong with that, half the people who get the New Yorker only read it for the cartoons.

I’m not in charge of your bedtime. Take it up with your parents.

Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

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